BMI

     Again, my self image and weight have again interfered with my day. I can honestly say that I have never gone an entire day in my life without thinking or worrying about my weight. I constantly worry about what others think of me and what they are saying about my outfit, hair, makeup, shoes, and everything. The ironic thing about it all is I honestly don't care about what most of these people think about me. Overall, I just don't want to be picked on and bothered because of what I physically look like. It kills me to know that people don't like the person I physically am. It seems like most people in the world take one look at me and they think they know my story. In reality, they don't even know the half of me. Barely anything about my appearance tells others what my personality is like. I can guarantee that if you asked majority of my high school to explain to you who I am, they would not be able to tell you. They might mention a couple of obvious things about me, like I love to write and I am good in school, but that would be the gist of it.

     It hurts me because I deeply try to get to know other people before I judge them. Sure, others may not agree with this statement, but you honestly don't know me then! I promise you: even towards the people I dislike the most in this world, I still care about them to some extent. For example, there is this girl in my class who just drives me absolutely crazy. She constantly talks about her own accomplishments and how awesome she is at everything she does. I just wish she would get it through her head that not everything in this world revolves around her, and in all honesty, nobody cares how far "ahead" you are compared to the rest of your class. There is absolutely nothing worse than someone who is cocky and inconsiderate. I have tried to reach out to her, I've tried to like her, and I've tried to be the bigger person. But it's impossible to get along with someone who has their head so far up their own butt!

     Anyways, I just want you to keep in mind that nobody in this world is perfect. Nobody in this world is flawless: not even the Barbie everyone knows and loves.

     I totally forgot to explain the title of my post! BMI stands for Body Mass Index. It is a proxy of a humans body weight and height, totaling up to total body fat. We are currently taking a fitness test in Health, and we did the body fat test today. I was so disappointed in myself, it wasn't even funny. A couple months ago, I went down almost 3% from my original BMI from the beginning of the year. For me, that is a huge deal! But now, a couple months later, I went up an entire 4%, obviously reading that I am considered obese.

     The way I feel about the whole situation is unbearable. I can't believe I let my body get this bad so quickly. I was not suppose to be the fat girl in high school. I promised myself that the summer after 8th grade would completely be the turning point in my life. I thought I knew how to control my habits and overcome those urges, but now I realize that there is a problem much deeper. Thankfully, next Wednesday, I will meet with my new counselor to hopefully get my life back in order. Maybe I will actually like this one this time! But I know that no matter what happens, I still have a couple friends and teachers out there who genuinely care about me, which has to be the greatest feeling in the world. It's great to know that some people can actually see the good in me.

     "It doesn't matter how you look, or how people look at you- what's important is how you look at yourself."

-David Klass (my friend Jennie just posted this quote on Facebook... and it really hit home)

8 more days: I donate 10"-12" of my hair (with my aunt, her mom, her other niece, and my uncle).

15 more (school) days: the last day of school

19 more days: Senior Graduation