May 12th
I just got done watching The Vow with my best mom. She cried hysterically through the whole thing, while I on the other hand, only shed a tear. Normally I would be an emotional wreck. I felt sadness deep within my stomach as I watched the video though. I felt terrible knowing that this movie was based on a true story of a real life couple. I couldn't imagine having to fall in love with someone all over again. And I couldn't imagine how hard it would be for my significant other if I didn't even remember who I was. The movie was a good kind of strange, and it really made me think. I like those kind.
I just got done watching The Vow with my best mom. She cried hysterically through the whole thing, while I on the other hand, only shed a tear. Normally I would be an emotional wreck. I felt sadness deep within my stomach as I watched the video though. I felt terrible knowing that this movie was based on a true story of a real life couple. I couldn't imagine having to fall in love with someone all over again. And I couldn't imagine how hard it would be for my significant other if I didn't even remember who I was. The movie was a good kind of strange, and it really made me think. I like those kind.
Life's all about moments of impact, and how they change our lives forever. But what if one day you could no longer remember any of them? -Leo (Channing Tatum). This quote he said at the beginning of the movie has stuck with me the entire night. He said that these moments of impact are what define us. Does he mean that everything happens for a reason? Or does he mean that all the mistakes we make and the crap that we go through are all worth the heart ache? That the bad times account for all the good ones we have? I don't know exactly. I think that all people can interpret the movie and the message differently.
In the movie, Leo and his wife end up getting a divorce. They just don't feel the love or the will to stay together. This part really hit me hard. I compared it entirely to my own life, and that I think I should let go of the past.
You see, there's this boy. I've liked him since elementary school. I remember the first day I saw him, just like it was yesterday. I was at my brother's football practice watching him play when I spotted a guy walking straight towards me from across the way. He was carrying his mom's lawn chair, so I thought. They ended up sitting right next to me; him, his mom, and his dad. They chatted with my mom like they were all best friends. I will never forget that moment. I'm sure my jaw fell below my belly button. I definitely believed in true love, because when I looked into his eyes, I could see our future. I could see me and him together. He was insanely gorgeous, but not your typical stud. Nobody else that I know finds him attractive, besides my mom of course. They all say that he is dorky and weird. Just my type, aye? Whenever I would talk about him with my friends they would just look at me all cross eyed. Jasmyn was the only one that truly understood me though. And frankly, her opinion was the only one that really meant the world. She said she understood why I liked him. She said we looked good together too. I liked that about Jasmyn. Even when the rest of the world was against me or questioning my intentions, she always had my back because she understood my reasoning. I swear, we are absolutely long lost sisters because we connect on such a personal level.
Anyways, he ended up being older than me and even the brother to one of the guys on my brother's football team. It was weird how we got to know each other. I felt like I'd know him for years because he was so easy to talk to and so confident. For the first time in my life, I thought of him as my best friend and my lover. I realized that those can be and should be the same person. I loved the dorky way he dressed, the way his hair was always a mess, and how he always lit up a room. But most of all, his smile truly defined him. I will never forget my "first love". Although I'm pretty sure he never really loved me back, I cared about him so deeply. He was more to me than just your average guy. He was sensitive and intelligent, maybe not in school but in so many other ways. Sadly, we only hung out for a couple of months before he decided I was just a stupid little girl. He never even gave me a reason to why he stopped talking to me or seeing me. At the time I thought he cared about me just as much as I cared about him. But as the months went on, after we stopped talking, I began to realize what an idiot I must have looked like. Heck, I talked to his dad and mom about me and him, I told so many people I liked him, and I acted like a foolish teen. I was so head-over-heels for this guy, and he never had a clue. You may be wondering why I refer to everything in the past tense. You see, I only know the old him. He hasn't really talked to me in almost three years. I don't even know who he is anymore. He doesn't look like he has changed because he still has that toothy smile, but I just don't know anymore. I wish he would have just given me a reason to why he shut me out of his life. It could have been this and it could have been that, but to this day I still don't know. I wish he would talk to me and tell me what a fool I am for still holding on to his memory, tell me what a fool I am for still loving him. But I will never understand what goes on in his head. He just doesn't talk to me that way. He never has and I know he never will. When he graduates, maybe he will forget about me and I will move on. But for now I think about him all the time. I wonder what could have been, and how my life would be different if I was standing in his girlfriend's shoes. Who knows: all a girl can do is wonder.
My god I hope he is not reading this...
So this movie helped me realize that we will never be the same as we were in middle school. "I just realized everything I have is someday going to be gone" -Taylor Swift. I finally realized that my first love was great until I find my second love. He was the only guy who I truly felt like I deeply loved, and yet he was the only guy who I never had the chance to whisper those words to him. I don't throw around the L word very loosely, but for him I really meant it. He has no idea how much I cared about him and how much I thought about him. I'm so frustrated with him and the situation, yet still upset with myself. I didn't do anything wrong, so I think, but I still feel like everything is my fault. I just don't know...
In the movie, Leo and his wife end up getting a divorce. They just don't feel the love or the will to stay together. This part really hit me hard. I compared it entirely to my own life, and that I think I should let go of the past.
You see, there's this boy. I've liked him since elementary school. I remember the first day I saw him, just like it was yesterday. I was at my brother's football practice watching him play when I spotted a guy walking straight towards me from across the way. He was carrying his mom's lawn chair, so I thought. They ended up sitting right next to me; him, his mom, and his dad. They chatted with my mom like they were all best friends. I will never forget that moment. I'm sure my jaw fell below my belly button. I definitely believed in true love, because when I looked into his eyes, I could see our future. I could see me and him together. He was insanely gorgeous, but not your typical stud. Nobody else that I know finds him attractive, besides my mom of course. They all say that he is dorky and weird. Just my type, aye? Whenever I would talk about him with my friends they would just look at me all cross eyed. Jasmyn was the only one that truly understood me though. And frankly, her opinion was the only one that really meant the world. She said she understood why I liked him. She said we looked good together too. I liked that about Jasmyn. Even when the rest of the world was against me or questioning my intentions, she always had my back because she understood my reasoning. I swear, we are absolutely long lost sisters because we connect on such a personal level.
Anyways, he ended up being older than me and even the brother to one of the guys on my brother's football team. It was weird how we got to know each other. I felt like I'd know him for years because he was so easy to talk to and so confident. For the first time in my life, I thought of him as my best friend and my lover. I realized that those can be and should be the same person. I loved the dorky way he dressed, the way his hair was always a mess, and how he always lit up a room. But most of all, his smile truly defined him. I will never forget my "first love". Although I'm pretty sure he never really loved me back, I cared about him so deeply. He was more to me than just your average guy. He was sensitive and intelligent, maybe not in school but in so many other ways. Sadly, we only hung out for a couple of months before he decided I was just a stupid little girl. He never even gave me a reason to why he stopped talking to me or seeing me. At the time I thought he cared about me just as much as I cared about him. But as the months went on, after we stopped talking, I began to realize what an idiot I must have looked like. Heck, I talked to his dad and mom about me and him, I told so many people I liked him, and I acted like a foolish teen. I was so head-over-heels for this guy, and he never had a clue. You may be wondering why I refer to everything in the past tense. You see, I only know the old him. He hasn't really talked to me in almost three years. I don't even know who he is anymore. He doesn't look like he has changed because he still has that toothy smile, but I just don't know anymore. I wish he would have just given me a reason to why he shut me out of his life. It could have been this and it could have been that, but to this day I still don't know. I wish he would talk to me and tell me what a fool I am for still holding on to his memory, tell me what a fool I am for still loving him. But I will never understand what goes on in his head. He just doesn't talk to me that way. He never has and I know he never will. When he graduates, maybe he will forget about me and I will move on. But for now I think about him all the time. I wonder what could have been, and how my life would be different if I was standing in his girlfriend's shoes. Who knows: all a girl can do is wonder.
My god I hope he is not reading this...
So this movie helped me realize that we will never be the same as we were in middle school. "I just realized everything I have is someday going to be gone" -Taylor Swift. I finally realized that my first love was great until I find my second love. He was the only guy who I truly felt like I deeply loved, and yet he was the only guy who I never had the chance to whisper those words to him. I don't throw around the L word very loosely, but for him I really meant it. He has no idea how much I cared about him and how much I thought about him. I'm so frustrated with him and the situation, yet still upset with myself. I didn't do anything wrong, so I think, but I still feel like everything is my fault. I just don't know...
A Thousand Years by Christina Perri
These lyrics are strong and they match my situation with this guy very well.
