Sunburns and Tanlines

     Thought of the Day: Friends "May 29th: True friendship is a plant of growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation. " - George Washington
     I love metaphorical quotes like these. George Washington is always one of the many people I look up to, and this quote makes me love him even more. Sometimes I really do wish I lived back in the day. I wish I would have gotten to know Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King Jr. Those are some of the most inspiring people, and I don't even have to personally know them.

Drunk on You by Luke Bryan

     Anyways, this song has been stuck in my head ever since I went to the lake yesterday with my friend Felicia. We went tubing with Brent, had an amazing time squishing our toes in the sand, and hanging out by the water with Brady. I received an awful sunburn on my exposed back, and it hurts to wear anything but the tank top I wore yesterday. Trust me though: my sore back from the sunburn and my sore arms from gripping the tube is all worth the hurt! I had a great time with Fly, and I'm glad we finally had the opportunity to hang out. I kind of wished we could have talked a little more personally, but it was an amazing and relaxing day. Personally, I can best compare some of the situations in my life to a sunburn. My weight problem is like a sunburn. When I realize that it is there, it truly does hurt me a little. After a little time, it will heal. As the days go on, and the gooey gel helps to heal my imperfections, my sunburn becomes a nice tan; a tan in which makes me look and feel better. I know I have a problem with my weight, and it does bother me. Overtime, with lots of hard work, my body will be beautiful. This is just a sunburn, in which will eventually turn into something I can deal with. Sure, I will be set back by more and more problems like a sunburn, but the bad times come and go. Everything does heal.

     Today I was up at 5:30 am to watch Brady until he had to go to daycare. Let me just tell you this: you don't know terrible two's until you have met my little brother! The attitude on that little boy... I tell you what.

     At around noon, I went with my grandma to my first counseling appointment. I met with a sweet lady named Susan. I could tell she really liked me as I explained who I was to her and what my issues all were. When I told her about my blog, her jaw just dropped. She said I was so inspiring and she really thought I was amazing. It's amazing how complete strangers can really see the good in you and understand your intentions, without truly having to know you well. It meant a lot that we became so close so fast. There are just some people in this world that really know how to put a smile on your face!

My Personal Bucket List

This is Payphone by Maroon 5. I've had this song stuck in my head all weekend. I love it so much, surprisingly!

     This weekend, I went to Eliches with my cousins and my brothers. It was all a lot of fun, and I'm glad I went. I feel like a lot of guys look at me now with my short hair, or maybe it's just me. I had a great weekend for the most part, and I've been seriously thinking intensely.

     I apologize for not posting for awhile.  I'm losing a lot of viewers it seems. When I go away from home, I don't bring my laptop with me. It has a weird battery so it has to be plugged in to even work. It's a hassle sometimes to bring it around.

     Anyways, I thought I would post something completely unique. Just note that this is in no way a final product. I will never officially be finished with this "piece". For the past couple of weeks to a month, I have been creating my very own and original bucket list. About a year or two ago, I created another one. I found it in my room the other day and it hurt me a little bit. Was my highest ambition really to attend a NASCAR race or to climb Mt. Everest? Those are just two of the ridiculous things I included on my list. I don't even like NASCAR and I'm definitely not passionate about mountain climbing. It made me feel bad to read some of the things on my original list. I want to actually live my life and do something extraordinary with it. I don't want to be that type of girl that just does something just to do it, ya know? I want to look back on my years and be proud of myself. I want to be proud that I accomplished what I wanted to. This is an entirely new bucket list I created. Every single item on this list is something I actually want to do. All of these items will impact my life in one way or another when I accomplish them. I would just like you to notice that I said "when I accomplish them". It is not a matter of IF I will cross off each and every item, but a matter of when and with who. I would love to hear feedback on this post especially, so let me know what's up.

Jehna Hope Powell’s Bucket List

Things to Do before I Kick the Bucket

1. Be like The Buried Life
2. Be remembered
3. Change the dynamics of things
4. See the Northern Lights
5. Witness a shooting star
6. Publish a book
7. Publish a poem
8. Publish a photograph
9. Have a light saber battle
10. Host a themed party
11. Pay for a random stranger at a restaurant
12. Travel the world
13. Run in a marathon
14. Host a beach bash
15. Party at a popular spring break destination
16. Float in a hot air balloon
17. Learn to surf
18. Drift a car
19. Build my mom the house of her dreams
20. Create the best present ever for Grandma and Papa
21. Sit in a mall with a shirt on that says “Life” and hand out lemons
22. Shower in a waterfall
23. Have a massive distanced Slip ‘n’ Slide
24. Talk with Morgan Freeman
25. Perform an epic prank
26. Accomplish things my family members and friends said I could never do
27. Whale watch in Alaska
28. Deep sea fish
29. Read … in the Prayer Room by a Colorado man who traveled the world
30. Visit the Atlantic Ocean
31. Walk on the Jersey Shore boardwalk
32. Walk all the stairs to the top of the Eiffel Tower
33. Kiss under the Eiffel Tower
34. Canoe
35. White water raft
36. Ride on the roller coaster on top of the Space Needle in Seattle
37. Ride on the roller coaster on top of New York, New York in Las Vegas
38. Scuba dive
39. Snorkel
40. Skydive
41. Bungee jump
42. Cliff dive
43. Parasail
44. Learn to golf with Papa
45. Call a taxi
46. Watch The Nutcracker live with Grandma
47. Sit in the audience at an Ellen DeGeneres show
48. Make the entire Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner
49. Dress up silly and scan the streets
50. Attend a Renaissance Festival
51. Snowmobile
52. Sled down a huge mountain
53. Learn to water ski
54. Drive a boat
55. Plan a flash mob
56. Get a tattoo
57. Get a nose piercing
58. Get a belly button piercing
59. Lose 20 pounds
60. Lose 40 pounds
61. Lose 60 pounds
62. Lose 80 pounds
63. Overcome depression
64. Tell my siblings on my dad’s side how I really feel
65. Create a collage
66. Drive a racecar
67. Start a fire by myself
68. Go mudding
69. Go offroading
70. Compose a song
71. Run through a field of wild flowers
72. Get lost and find myself
73. Write to a pen pal
74. Landscape an area
75. Leave a trail
76. Go clubbing
77. Release a balloon with my contact information and a note asking finder to reply
78. Kiss under the stars
79. Watch the clouds
80. Dance on a tailgate in the moonlight
81. Work out on the beach
82. Hug the world’s tallest tree
83. Stay in the underwater hotel in Dubai
84. Play beer pong
85. Get my portrait done
86. Get a henna tattoo
87. Win a prize at a fair/carnival
88. Kiss in the rain
89. Ride a two-seater bike
90. Ride in a helicopter
91. Fly somewhere randomly chosen (similar to Yes Man)
92. Photograph a model
93. Finish a scrapbook
94. Go to Disney Land
95. Go to Disney World
96. Make and write a fortune cookie
97. Go to Sea World
98. Swim with dolphins
99. Zip line
100. Go on a safari
101. Drive a dune buggy
102. Throw a huge party like My Super Sweet Sixteen’s
103. Ride in a stretch limo
104. Stand out of a limo in the middle of New York City
105. Spend New Years Eve in Times Square
106. Create a piece of art on a spinning wheel (pottery)
107. Have a baby
108. Adopt a new member to the family
109. Get married
110. Fundraise for a worthy cause
111. Donate blood
112. Host an art show
113. Remodel/rebuild something for another person
114. Host a tailgate party
115. Fly a kite on the beach
116. Catch a home run ball at a baseball game
117. Create my very own clothing/fashion
118. Sing and scream my heart out at a Taylor Swift concert
119. Attend a The Fray concert
120. Donate 15+ inches of hair
121. Sew a quilt for veterans with Grandma
122. Compose a quilt for someone special
123. Donate an organ
124. Receive an autograph
125. Attend Prom
126. Graduate high school
127. Graduate college
128. Participate in a poetry contest
129. Save a life
130. Have a kiss that would make Taylor Swift jealous
131. Kiss on the top of the Ferris wheel
132. Camp out with friends
133. Drive a convertible
134. Drive a Vespa
135. Drive a crotch rocket
136. Go on a road trip with my girls
137. Ice fish
138. Learn sign language
139. Ride a horse
140. Go zorbing
141. Visit all 50 states
142. Go to Niagara Falls
143. Attend a Super Bowl live
144. Participate in a color run
145. Participate in the 3-day walk for a cure
146. Visit The Coral Reef
147. Learn to walk in high heels
148. Find my second half
149. Experience at least one night I will never remember
150. Blast music while randomly driving around
151. Chinese fire drill
152. Sleep under the stars
153. Burn all my schoolwork in a bonfire (senior year)
154. Wish on a shooting star
155. Watch a thunder storm
156. Carve my initials into a tree
157. Spend an entire day at the movie theater
158. Create something beautiful
159. Shop until I drop
160. Take a shot
161. Have a Harry Potter marathon
162. Cover a street in a chalk drawing
163. Send a message in a bottle
164. Have a photo shoot with friends
165. Have a paint fight
166. Catch fireflies
167. Do something that scares me
168. Crowd surf
169. Make a dream catcher
170. Follow a railroad track
171. Say yes to everything for a day
172. Roll down a big grass hill
173. Have a picnic
174. Build a fort
175. Make homemade lemonade
176. Go skinny dipping
177. Kiss underwater
178. Manage my time
179. Get one thing from every fast food place in town
180. Climb a massive tree
181. Water tube down a river
182. Make friendship bracelets
183. Fill a journal with inspiration
184. Learn to drive a stick shift
185. Learn CPR
186. Hang glide
187. Float in the dead sea
188. Take part in a sky lantern festival
189. Ride a mechanical bull
190. Drive in a submarine
191. Fly in a blimp
192. Create an oil painting
193. Come out about my religion
194. Figure out my priorities
195. Kick the negative habit of overeating
196. Make the front page of a newspaper/magazine
197. Cut the ribbon of a major opening
198. Join a Big Brother, Big Sister program
199. Become an inspiration
200. Have an aquarium
201. Heal my past
202. Overcome procrastination

To be continued…

I'm Officially Done with Freshmen Year!

     Thought of the Day: Friends "May 24th; My friends are my estate."

     Yesterday was officially my last day as a freshman. It feels amazing to know that I satisfied my first year at EHS, and that I only have three more years to go! Yesterday seemed to drag on forever, with all the drama and sadness in the air. Bre and Miyela, and many others, are moving this year. It's so sad to think that these two great girls won't be there for me next year. It is also going to be weird not having any of the seniors at school to potentially try and run me over in the parking lots again!

     A lot of crap happened yesterday, surprisingly. Some of it was good, but most of it was bad. To start my day off, some of my friends and I wanted to all take a picture together to celebrate the end of a new beginning. I asked a couple other people if they wanted to be in the picture too, and they passed. I wasn't upset at the fact that they didn't want to be in the picture with me, it was more that I didn't understand why they excluded themselves from us. It was almost as if they were too good or they didn't want to take a picture with us. Maybe this whole semester was just a joke with those girls. Maybe they didn't even care about me at all this semester. To this day I will never know why they denied the picture. In all honestly, it's not a big deal. It just makes a girl wonder, ya know? At least I got to take a picture with some of my really good friends. I love the people I met this year, and I have absolutely no regrets!

Austin doing a back hand spring.

     Also, a couple of days ago or so, I decided to work with a different person in my Journalistic Writing class. We just started our photography unit. Everybody knows how crazy I get when anything is involved with photography! Anyways, he asked me to work with him and help him out and all. I really think highly of this guy, because he just has so much confidence and he is just an overall great guy. I felt a little awkward when he was photographing me. It's not anything he did or anything, I'm just really insecure and he mainly wanted me to be the subject in the pictures. We took lots of pictures, having to capture rule of thirds, mergers, triangles, geometric shapes, and many more elements. In my opinion, the pictures we both took turned out well. His camera was really good! By the end of the class period, after our assignments was complete, I felt really bad. Through the entire class period he kept complimenting me. He told me I looked pretty in all the pictures and also that I take amazing photographs. Every time he would say something nice to me, I would just shake my head and act real sarcastic about it. I didn't realize what I was even doing, and I probably came off as an insecure jerk. I definitely didn't appreciate him like I should have, and I am embarrassed about it now. All I can do now is just brush this all off my shoulders. Even though him and I are just friends, I know now that guys actually do like girls who are confident. I could tell he was getting discouraged because he could see that I was insecure. I should have just believed and trusted him with his words. He made me feel good about myself, even if I didn't fully believe in my own beauty or ability.

     Below are some of the pictures I took over the summer. According to my poll, I need to include more pictures!

Like a flower, sometimes it is okay to stand alone.

One of my dogs, Callie, smelling my other grandma's flowers (in Loveland).





Awkward Teen survey

     These seem pretty interesting. You could learn a lot about me from some of these questions. I know some of them are similar to the other random post I had, but oh well.

From Awkward Teen (Facebook page), shared by Alyssa.

1.      Sexual orientation: Female.

2.      What I'm really bad at: Spelling, running continuously, knowing where I am at and where I need to go (when I've driving), public speaking, throwing a frisbee, and singing well.

3.      The one person whose arms I'd like to be in: There's this guy. <3

4.      My best first date: I've never been on a date.

5.      A description of my self-esteem: I'm confident in my future but not about anything physically. Guys don't like me at my school, so I assume no one else ever will.

6.      Who my best friends are: Alyssa, Tiana, Capreece, Jasmyn, Gabby, Amanda, and so many others. I have met a lot of worthy people this year, and lost a lot of indecent ones. I truly care and have a place in my heart for everyone.

7.      My favorite books: Harry Potter series; The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big, Round Things; Island of the Blue Dolphins; Lucas; and so many others. I never get a chance to read anymore though.

8.      Biggest turn offs: I try so hard not to be picky but sometimes it is just not worth it. I can't stand pervs, even though I am one at times. Ironic, huh? But I only act that way because people find it fricken hilarious. I love when people smile. I also can't stand ignorance and laziness.

9.      A description of my best friend: She's pretty and hilarious and confident and smart and outgoing and simply amazing. I have so many best friends, and they all fit this description perfectly!

10.  My favorite animal: Haha ask Alyssa!

11.  Someone I miss: I miss my best friend who lives in Fort Collins now the most out of everybody in the world. I feel terrible because I never plan anything or hang out with her ever. I guess I’m just nervous to see her again. I feel like we won’t be as close anymore and it’s really hard to except that. I also miss my grandma because I wish I could be with her everyday, my cousins and all my siblings on my dad's side of the family.

12.  The reason behind my last break up: Distance (physically and mentally) and we had trust issues.

13.  What I did yesterday: Yesterday I went to school. Only 3 more (school) days left!

14.  What my greatest achievements are: Being nominated for People to People Student Ambassador Program by President Bush, winning Honor Role, Red Pride, Athletics, and Club awards in junior high, winning runner-up for the photography contest by Mrs. Kirby, and establishing this blog, where I have the opportunity to show everyone who I am and be myself 100% of the time.

15.  A description of the person I dislike the most: She has her head in the clouds, she is ignorant, unintelligent, “popular” for all the wrong reasons, and hateful towards anyone who is different.

16.  My favorite songs right now: Last Kiss by Taylor Swift, How to Save a Life by The Fray, Fly Over States by Jason Aldean, Drunk on You by Luke Bryan, Dancin’ Away with my Heart by Lady Antebellum, I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack, Tonight by , Colder Weather by Zach Brown Band, One Thing by One Direction,

17.  How my first kiss went down: I’ve never kissed a guy before.

18.  What I find attractive in the opposite sex: Physically, I like a guy that is built, tan, glistening eyes, a vibrant smile, and blond wavy hair. Mentally, I like a guy that has goals, knows what he does and does not like, and has a stable education. Emotionally, I like when a guy and I can talk about anything under the sun, when he tells me exactly how he feels and doesn’t hold anything back, and a guy who genuinely cares about many people.

19.  All of the pets I've ever had: I’ve had four dogs at my step dad’s house, two bunnies at my dad’s house, and at my house I have a cat and fish. I used to have hermit crabs too.

20.  Favorite flavor of ice cream: Mint chocolate chip or double chocolate peanut butter brownie cookie dough!

21.  The one place I want to be right now: I wish I was on the coast of somewhere beautiful. Nothing is more peaceful then being on the beach with someone you love.

22.  The meanest thing anyone has ever said to me: It’s hard to narrow them all down. I’ve had a lot of terrible crap said to me. I don’t really want to talk about it all honestly.

23.  Where I have lived before: Before kindergarten we lived in three different houses in Loveland before we moved to Eaton.

24.  I'll love you if...: You hug me tight and don’t let me go, tell me I’m beautiful when I feel my worse, and bring me flowers for absolutely no reason.

25.  What my future plans are: Attend a top college, move out of Eaton, move to somewhere by the ocean, publish my artwork (poetry, photography, and drawings), become a teacher/coach/photographer/volunteer, start a family, and live to my absolute highest potential.

26.  An internal conflict I have with myself: I have nothing but internal conflicts. I’m just an overall struggle.

27.  What I am doing tomorrow: Going to my cousins’ birthday parties and studying for finals.

28.  What I want to be when I get older: English teacher, volleyball coach, travel photographer, a volunteer at numerous places, a published author, a motivational speaker at junior highs and high schools,

29.  Most embarrassing moment: I have so many to choose from. I seem to embarrass myself accidently all the time.

30.  Two of my insecurities: My weight and my skin.

31.  What I would do if I won the lottery: Save it all up in a retirement fund and travel the world.

32.  A description of the boy I like: Haha which one?

33.  What I love most about myself: Currently, I love my outlook on life. I'm really trying to find the good in people and to live my life the way I want to. I really like how inherently conscious I am. I have a lot of the same values and other beliefs as my grandparents.

34.  My biggest pet peeves: When people spell my name wrong, generally the way people act around the person that they like,

35.  What bands I've seen live: The only concert I've ever been to was The Jonas Brothers with Jasmyn!

36.  How many kids I want in the future: 2+, adopted or my own.

37.  My idea of a perfect date: I'm a pretty simple girl. As long as we are spending time together, laughing and enjoying each others company, it will be perfect in every way.

38.  What I'm really good at: I hate to sound cocky, but I actually am starting to like myself. I'm trying to be true to my feelings and to my thoughts. I feel like I'm a very strong, creative person because I write poetry, I draw, and I photograph. I'm also good in school when I actually apply myself and turn my work in on time. Like I said, when I actually do my best, I'm a very organized and thoughtful girl. I don't like to talk about my strengths and weaknesses, you tell me what I am good at?

39.  Most traumatic experience: To be continued...

40.  Where I would like to live: As many of you may know, I would love to live anywhere by the ocean. I wish I could live off of the Gulf but I wouldn't want to live in that part of Mexico. I want to move to Australia, California, or Florida if I'm lucky. I need to be by the ocean, and that is the main reason why I hate living in Colorado.

41.  The nicest thing anyone's ever said to me: Lately especially, I've met a lot of very caring people. A couple of girls have really made me feel wanted and loved. I've mentioned a few of the many in my previous posts.

42.  Do I like where I am right now?: Physically, no. Mentally, I'm getting there. Emotionally, it's generally under control.

43.  What I can hear right now: I can hear annoying people all around me. Some of the people I have to have classes with really irk me!

44.  My relationship with my siblings: I currently have six half brothers and sisters. I'm closest to Ronnie because he is only a year younger than me. My other brother Brady that lives with my mom is too young to completely like or dislike me, but we are getting along generally well. Avery, Tanner, Abby, and Coltin all live with my dad in Loveland. I'm not very close with them because I don't see them very often, I'm just not close with my dad either, and we all have a lot of different opinions. I guess you could say they are more traditional, while my mom and I are more modern. I don't like to talk about it at all.

45.  My biggest fears: Failure, embarrassment, and pity.

46.  Something I've wished for repeatedly: I've always wished I was skinny, ever since I was in kindergarten! How sad is it that a little kid, at that young of an age, worried about what others thought? I find it absolutely tragic because I don't think I've ever lived a normal life. I've never had that kind of self confidence. I cry every time I'm around my little sister Avery because she is the same age I was at that age and she already considers herself "ugly and fat".

47.  My relationship with my parents:

48.  What makes me feel the best about myself:

49.  Something I should have said a long time ago:

50.  What my last text message says:

51.  What I hate most about myself:

52.  Biggest turn ons:

53.  What upsets me the most:

54.  What I hate the most about school:

Definition of Beautiful

May 16th 
 Thought of the Day: Friends "May 16th; Friendship is a magical vehicle in which two distinct souls journey together to different destinations."
     When I read this quote, I immediately thought of my best friend Jasmyn. We have been best friends since the first week of kindergarten. I could just go on and on about this amazing girl... I'll dedicate an entire post to her eventually.
     So this girl AV appeared in my news feed today on Facebook. She was getting a lot of comments and picture likes so I thought I would check out what all the fuss was about. As I looked at her pictures, I noticed a repeating pattern. In all of them, she had her lips puckered, her butt sticking out, her boobs halfway showing, and barely any clothes on her body. Now don't get me wrong: everybody likes to feel loved and everybody likes to get attention. But if you have to try that hard just to get a few comments and likes from complete strangers, what kind of person are you really? It really bugs me what most guys are saying on her pictures too. They are all saying how flawless she is, how much they want to be with her, and that she is the definition of beauty. I don't know what this world has become. Wearing every single makeup product in your bathroom on your face, spending hours on your hair daily, getting cosmetic surgery just to change what you weren't born with, and wearing the least amount of clothes possible is not even the closest definition to beautiful.
     According to a young girl's definition on Urban Dictionary: "Anyone can be beautiful. It's not about the clothing, the hair, the make-up. It's about the way your smile radiates warmth, or dancing when you're excited, no matter who's watching. How to be beautiful? There are no guidelines, and anyone who tells you otherwise is telling you how to be pretty. Pretty and beautiful are not synonyms. Pretty is an adjective, whereas beautiful is so much more. Beautiful is a sunset, or the rain, or being in love. Beautiful is singing in the shower, running at night, and laughing out-loud. Beautiful is the way a flower smells, or the feel of their skin. I'm sorry if you disagree, but this is the best I could describe such a, well, beautiful word. An appropriate response:  'You're beautiful.' 'I love you too.'"
     It hurts me so badly that these girls are the type that attract so many guys. Nobody knows what they look like or how they act under all that makeup and gross attraction. Nobody knows what those girls want to be when they grow older or what their other goals in life are. Most guys these days only appear to care about a girl's bra size and how sexy she can talk. I hate to say it, but I honestly believe that's the truth. It's completely unfortunate because ten years from now, none of that crap will matter.
     To be continued...

Learning to Dance

 March 15th, 2012
    Thought of the Day: Friends "May 15th; Building a friendship is like learning to dance. You take small, easy steps at first, then gradually add new ones until it becomes comfortable and familiar."
     Do you love this quote, or do you love this quote? I think this completely describes friendship in a very symbolic way. I appreciate the strong symbolism in this quote. I love to write poetry and stories based off entirely symbolic metaphors. I can see myself saying this quote!

     As ironic as this may sound, this song automatically popped into my head after reading that quote. It's obvious but totally original, ya know? If you want to win my heart, you have to like this song and appreciate the message in this. I Hope You Dance by Lee Ann Womack is one of my favorite songs because of the overall message in it. Movies, poems, and other songs with this kind of motivation really interest me also. If you know me at all you would know that I like to read and listen to relateable topics, like the theme in this song. I very much love country music and romance novels for that particular reason.

    

My Vow

May 12th
     I just got done watching The Vow with my best mom. She cried hysterically through the whole thing, while I on the other hand, only shed a tear. Normally I would be an emotional wreck. I felt sadness deep within my stomach as I watched the video though. I felt terrible knowing that this movie was based on a true story of a real life couple. I couldn't imagine having to fall in love with someone all over again. And I couldn't imagine how hard it would be for my significant other if I didn't even remember who I was. The movie was a good kind of strange, and it really made me think. I like those kind.

     Life's all about moments of impact, and how they change our lives forever. But what if one day you could no longer remember any of them? -Leo (Channing Tatum). This quote he said at the beginning of the movie has stuck with me the entire night. He said that these moments of impact are what define us. Does he mean that everything happens for a reason? Or does he mean that all the mistakes we make and the crap that we go through are all worth the heart ache? That the bad times account for all the good ones we have? I don't know exactly. I think that all people can interpret the movie and the message differently.
     In the movie, Leo and his wife end up getting a divorce. They just don't feel the love or the will to stay together. This part really hit me hard. I compared it entirely to my own life, and that I think I should let go of the past.
     You see, there's this boy. I've liked him since elementary school. I remember the first day I saw him, just like it was yesterday. I was at my brother's football practice watching him play when I spotted a guy walking straight towards me from across the way. He was carrying his mom's lawn chair, so I thought. They ended up sitting right next to me; him, his mom, and his dad. They chatted with my mom like they were all best friends. I will never forget that moment. I'm sure my jaw fell below my belly button. I definitely believed in true love, because when I looked into his eyes, I could see our future. I could see me and him together. He was insanely gorgeous, but not your typical stud. Nobody else that I know finds him attractive, besides my mom of course. They all say that he is dorky and weird. Just my type, aye? Whenever I would talk about him with my friends they would just look at me all cross eyed. Jasmyn was the only one that truly understood me though. And frankly, her opinion was the only one that really meant the world. She said she understood why I liked him. She said we looked good together too. I liked that about Jasmyn. Even when the rest of the world was against me or questioning my intentions, she always had my back because she understood my reasoning. I swear, we are absolutely long lost sisters because we connect on such a personal level.
     Anyways, he ended up being older than me and even the brother to one of the guys on my brother's football team. It was weird how we got to know each other. I felt like I'd know him for years because he was so easy to talk to and so confident. For the first time in my life, I thought of him as my best friend and my lover. I realized that those can be and should be the same person. I loved the dorky way he dressed, the way his hair was always a mess, and how he always lit up a room. But most of all, his smile truly defined him. I will never forget my "first love". Although I'm pretty sure he never really loved me back, I cared about him so deeply. He was more to me than just your average guy. He was sensitive and intelligent, maybe not in school but in so many other ways. Sadly, we only hung out for a couple of months before he decided I was just a stupid little girl. He never even gave me a reason to why he stopped talking to me or seeing me. At the time I thought he cared about me just as much as I cared about him. But as the months went on, after we stopped talking, I began to realize what an idiot I must have looked like. Heck, I talked to his dad and mom about me and him, I told so many people I liked him, and I acted like a foolish teen. I was so head-over-heels for this guy, and he never had a clue. You may be wondering why I refer to everything in the past tense. You see, I only know the old him. He hasn't really talked to me in almost three years. I don't even know who he is anymore. He doesn't look like he has changed because he still has that toothy smile, but I just don't know anymore. I wish he would have just given me a reason to why he shut me out of his life. It could have been this and it could have been that, but to this day I still don't know. I wish he would talk to me and tell me what a fool I am for still holding on to his memory, tell me what a fool I am for still loving him. But I will never understand what goes on in his head. He just doesn't talk to me that way. He never has and I know he never will. When he graduates, maybe he will forget about me and I will move on. But for now I think about him all the time. I wonder what could have been, and how my life would be different if I was standing in his girlfriend's shoes. Who knows: all a girl can do is wonder.
     My god I hope he is not reading this...
     So this movie helped me realize that we will never be the same as we were in middle school. "I just realized everything I have is someday going to be gone" -Taylor Swift. I finally realized that my first love was great until I find my second love. He was the only guy who I truly felt like I deeply loved, and yet he was the only guy who I never had the chance to whisper those words to him. I don't throw around the L word very loosely, but for him I really meant it. He has no idea how much I cared about him and how much I thought about him. I'm so frustrated with him and the situation, yet still upset with myself. I didn't do anything wrong, so I think, but I still feel like everything is my fault. I just don't know...

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

These lyrics are strong and they match my situation with this guy very well.

I'm Just Doing My Thing, Just Doing My Thing...

     Thought of the Day: Friends "May 11th; If I do vow a friendship, I'll perform it."
     Beautiful quote this is. I really am starting to like these friendship quotes lately. This little book full of them is actually really neat.
     Right now I am listening to Who You'd Be Today by Kenny Chesney, messaging some friends, going through my pictures, and starring at my bedroom floor. I find it ironic how I clean and organize everything in my house and at school except my own room.
     I liked not doing an ounce of homework tonight. I liked not even having to touch the dirty stuff. It was nice to just chill the whole night by myself and do my own thing. Sometimes, I wish I had more time like this. I desperately and constantly need my alone time.
     I think tomorrow I am going to add a Confessions post to my blog. I think that will be one of the many good ways for me to really say exactly what is and has been on my mind. You all are going to be so surprised by many of my answers tomorrow, but probably for the better. I hope you really learn a lot about my likes and dislikes, and also the way I think. Maybe I will do a video or photo entry for Confessions? Status for the night: undecided and busy-brained. I'm probably going to be thinking about this blog until I force myself to fall sleep. Good night everybody.

Shout Outs

Some nerd, somewhere, just got mind blown!
This picture reminds me so much of my
Algebra II teacher this year.

     Surprise post! I would really like to recognize many people who have somehow impacted my life. There are so many great people in Eaton. It just sucks that it took me this long to really appreciate all of you guys. I say all the time that I still wish I lived in Loveland, because I had a beautiful life there before I moved when I was little. But even if I was to move back there now, things would never be the same. I like my home, my friends, my family, and all of my peers. Thank you guys for really opening my eyes!

     I just read through your blog and thought I was reading about myself. That is so strange how we are going through almost the exact same thing ... the BMI post explains how I feel exactly and I want you to know that I am here for you if you ever need something. (Facebook). Her and I have had our good and bad moments, but in the end, she is a really good person. I remember when we sat in the commons for seriously a few hours just talking about everything! We have so many things in common, physically and mentally. We both are boy crazy, we both love our volleyball, we both like to look good but not try too hard, and we both would rather have a few friends we can tell the world to opposed to a bunch of friends that you can't trust or go to for advice. This girl is truly amazing, and it's a shame that more guys don't see how gorgeous she is. It bugs the crap out of me that guys think that "big" girls are no fun to be around. They don't even know the half of it! Guys assume so much about us girls who are overweight or obese, and it just really kills us. I can almost guarantee that most of the "bigger" girls at our school have the biggest hearts. I am not going to include any names, but there are a couple of seniors this year that are "bigger" and I really look up to them. These girls really rock what they got, whether it's during their drama performance or through the clubs at school. These "bigger" girls are just as great, if not greater, than any other girl at the school. So if you are reading this guys: just give every girl a chance! You have no idea who she is. The more you assume, the more you are absolutely incorrect. Open your eyes, your mind, and most of all, your heart.

     You don't know me, but I'm a junior at the school. And I saw your blog and I give you major props, it takes a lot to express your feelings and everything. Much respect to you girl! Keep up the good work:) I love reading your work. And don't forget that every single day, through the tough times and the good ones, your beautiful. I've never talked to you before but if you ever need anything don't be afraid to ask okay? Keep up the good work. … Just remember it’s not about making other people happy it’s about making yourself happy. I'm not sure if your religious but at the end of the day only God can judge you, so don't sweat other people! They only want to tear you down to bring themselves up! And I know what it feels like to feel alone and get bullied! And to def be a freshman! It gets easier I promise! But yeah I def am here for you for anything!:) And I will for sure keep reading your blog! ... And trust me your blog is being read! I'm usually not a person that reads links on Facebook but I read yours so I give you props! (Facebook). Now this girl, I've always been sceptical about. Every school has their "popular" groups, and I have always thought she was really into the cliques and stuff. I've always thought she was absolutely gorgeous, even through middle school. She is the type of person who you see always smiling and laughing and hugging her great boyfriend when you walk down the hall. She is also the type of person who smiles at everybody, yet doesn't really care what others think of her. She is so care-free and confident: it's awesome! When she sent me this message on Facebook, my first instinct was to be like WTH? But once I fully read and understood everything she said to me, it made me really think twice of her when I walked down the hallways. She is a great person and I strongly look up to her. It's crazy how simple kind words like this can really impact a person! I feel so good about myself because of this girl. Thank you, you know who you are! Happy birthday by the way! I hope you are reading this right now hun.

     Hey I admire your blog page. Congratulations:) you might be younger than me but I look up to you. Thanks. Keep up the good work.  (Facebook). I still, to this day, do not seriously believe that this guy actually sent me a message saying this! He is like the "cool" guy at our school, and he is quite a character. I had Algebra II with him last semester, so I guess he does actually know who I am surprisingly. I totally thought guys like this, or even guys in general, completely hated me or just didn't notice me at all. This guy messaging me this meant a lot. Maybe to him it was just another compliment given out to some weird desperate freshmen, but it meant a lot. I take compliments, and insults, very personally all the time. I appreciate nice things like these that people say to me. If I can't love myself, at least there is someone else out there who can.

     Hey :) So even though I don't really know you, I want to tell you how much I love what you're doing. Not only are you helping yourself by doing this, but you're impacting others as well. Ignore any haters girly--you're beautiful and what you're doing only confirms that. And even though I only ever see glimpses of you in school, if you ever need anything or anyone to talk to, I'm here for you. … Have you heard of redefining beautiful at the high school? Or I guess its called For Girls Only haha. I think it’s something you might be interested in and could really contribute to. It has a Facebook (but then, what doesn’t have a Facebook these days? haha) :) and upperclassmen can be poopy but you'd be surprised by how many would support you. By the way, I could totally kick you for saying that you don’t have that much to offer. You have SO MUCH to offer, trust me!... it’s all about authentic beauty over the facades girls sometimes will put up. You should definitely check it out :) and girl, I think you're beautiful. I can say that our school is pretty fortunate in the way that girls don’t really cake on the makeup, but there are some girls who do, and you are one of the most natural beauties in my opinion. And hey, just find a good circle of girls and keep them close. Best thing a girl can do for herself.  (Facebook). I'm actually in disbelieve that this girl even knows I exist! She is a super popular and beautiful senior who knows everybody and everybody knows her. She has to be the most gorgeous girl in our school. I wish I had red hair like hers, I really do! She is one of the greatest singers you will ever meet at this school, and she is extremely talented. I know that she doesn't know me very well, but I do look up to her so much. It's the little things that people do that make them a good role model, such as sending an amazing message like this. I could go on and on about the seniors this year... what a great class they are! Seniors, if you are reading this, I just want you to know that you have impacted so many freshmen this year, you have no idea. You are a great group of kids and I admire so many of you. Good luck next year! Congratulations!

      (Here are a few more messages I received from more people on Facebook. There are so many great people out there that have inspired me and made me feel so good about myself the past couple of weeks. I wish I could tell every single one of them how much I appreciate it all. I wish I could share every compliment I receive on this blog too!)
     Hi Jehna. I really don't know you that well and I don't know if you even know who I am but I read a little of your post. I wanted to tell you that I admire your drive and perseverance to overcome everything. I don't know your whole story, but from what little I read, it seems as though you've had it pretty tough. BUT you are such a strong and beautiful girl. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I've been called names and made fun of since I was in 5th grade. And honestly it’s definitely taken its toll on me, my confidence, and relationships with people in general. But once I thought "hey if they judge me without even knowing me, than that's their loss and their problem", I had a different outlook on life. I don't know if your religious or not, but one thing I think when times get tough because of friends, or my divorced parents or because of my messed up knee is "if God brings you to it, He will bring you through it". I just read your post and it made me cry because I could sort of relate. You are such a strong, beautiful girl who has a bright future. I love how you speak your mind and are striving and overcoming everything. This was sort of random but I just wanted to let you know. This message is random and strange, but hey, that's who I am :) thank you for allowing me to read your post. If you ever need someone to talk to, remember that there are always people to listen, even if its me who you may not even know.:) But I am inspired by your strength and keep up the good work :) (Facebook).

     Your blog is amazing Jehna! Keep going with it and never forget that there are so many people here to pray for you and just help you through everything. You are a gorgeous girl with a golden heart. Never stop being you. :) (Facebook).

     I would also like to thank all my other friends and family who have supported my blog. I started this blog to help myself, and it ended up really impacting hundreds of people! I can never thank you all enough. I admire you and thank you for reading this. I hope you continue to read, share, and love this blog. I admire your feedback also (check sidebar). I hope you had a wonderful day, and thank you again.

The tree outside my house! I just really liked this picture, and I thought it would be cool to share with

everyone how beautiful Eaton really can be. Who knew a little farm town like this could be practically paradise?