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| Photo courtesy of Brandon Cyrus |
Anyways, back to my story! 'Yal are probably wondering who I am, what my motives are, and all that jazz. For starters, this blog, like I said before, is targeted towards the phrase Losing (It), Gaining (More). What that means is I will be trying to "shed" my old ways. I want to get rid of the old Jehna, while still keeping who I am in perspective. I want to lose weight, all of these constant sad feelings, thoughts of anger and regret, and my unexplainable fears.
I want to lose weight for the main reason to get healthy. I have been off the charts ever since I was just a baby. That being said, I know I always will be a big girl; there is no question about that. I will never be that 5'4" tall girl with the size 6 shoe: that is just not me! However, I do want to get my body back. I know that if I don't do something about it now, I never will. There is no better time to change then now. We only have a couple of weeks left of school, which will help in the weight loss process, and then I can get on a strict schedule in order to rid some pounds. I completely understand that losing weight will not be easy, but I am more than ready to take on the challenges before me.
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| "Love isn't blind; it just only sees what matters." - William Curry Photo courtesy of Brandon Cyrus |
On Saturday I went to the hospital and had blood drawn to see if I have diabetes, a heart condition, brain damage, or anything to that effect. I will know the results in a couple of days, so I will make sure to keep you posted! I received depression medication from my doctor a few days ago, and I just started the pills last night. The blood test will be to see if there is anything (physically) that could possibly be causing my depression. The pills are supposed to just help me deal with things better, but in the end, true change is always up to me. I am not trying to make this all sound like a big deal, but in reality, it is. My depression has caused my 3.6 GPA to drop dramatically, my weight to sky rocket, my friend to completely think of me differently, and my family to finally open their eyes. Depression is a disease, and through hard work and consideration, it can be cured. I have hope that I will be back to a normal person, maybe not tomorrow, but in the near future. Depressed? Earphones in, volume up, ignore the world -Brandon Cyrus (Facebook).
For those people out there who do not understand what depression does to a person, don't judge people because they have it. There is no way this could have been prevented; life happens! I honestly think it is one of the most damaging diseases out there. It takes over a person's entire life, to the point where they are no longer themselves and there is not a clear reason why. I know that by me posting all of this on the wide-open Internet I am putting myself in a crazy position for judgement, but that is the chance I am willing to take in order to be heard. I am tired of living my life based off of what my peers think of me. They don't know me, because a majority of them don't take the time. The problem with society is we judge everyone based on what they look like and not who they are. I do it, we all do. But before you go around telling the world who you think I am, at least know my reasoning, and that talking crap won't do a bit of good. I have lived my life this way for too long; there is no turning back now.
Throughout the weight loss and resolved depression process, I plan on really finding myself. I want to discover the person I was meant to be. I know that next year I will be unstoppable! I will be more involved with my school, my community, and hopefully in my job (if I ever find one!). All of these resolutions will help me build back my self confidence, in order to be the best person I can possibly be. I know in the end all of this heartache will be worth it. I know in the end I will finally be the person I have always wanted to be.
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